Greetings avid NHOP followers.
One of my most recent discoveries is how unique the Canadian squirrel is!!
In the UK we have very few squirrels in the city -I have never seen any in Glasgow and only a few in Edinburgh and I guess all the pigeons ate the squirrels in London!! But Ottawa seems to be the perfect breeding place for the common squirrel!
I say common but the squirrels around NHOP seem to be some special genetically modified squirrel!!
Now Rob Parker our Mighty director has had many encounters with the wee beasts!! He has often threatened to kill them with his gun!! But it is the city and we don’t want to get in any trouble now do we, Rob?
I understand his frustration, they eat holes in our garbage bin and climb into our roof playing with all the cables up there! They smoke and look at you with anger in there eyes! I think they drink a bit too!!
Now Rob and Richard have started trapping them and releasing them across the river! I have this theory that it’s the same squirrel that keeps coming back, like it is some kind of adrenalin junky! I have even suggested we paint it’s tail red so we know if it’s the same one or not!!
The squirrels have been advancing in their battle to overthrow NHOP – I believe they would like a National House for Squirrels!! Most recently they have this one squirrel who is a body builder. We believe his job is to deal with our guard dog Oakley as he has been spotted spying on him in the past!!
They have been doing a lot of spying on us in the past few months, we even had one sneak into a staff meeting and take pictures of some of our TOP SECRET NHOP documents!! But that’s not all. As you know we have a wireless Internet connection that has a crazy password for it, but their IT squirrel managed to hack our system, causing us problems with our email!! OK What can we DO?
Once they have all the information they need we are finding that they are starting to advance in their battle to overtake NHOP! Recent photographs have shown that they have more weapons of mass destruction than we first feared!!
As you can see we have a real problem!!
Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!! Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org I’ll be sure to pass them onto Rob.
Thanks for reading the ramblings of a Scotsman at NHOP!!